I am writing this in a very different from mind from my last diary entry. Last time I was writing about someone who basically said, “I could of died out there, really.” Which from the point of view of someone who has long surpassed this realization, is not a very noticeable statement. It's true, and for the nature of the writer, profound, but is in no way interesting to most people. At least most people who are in search of a deeper, and more significant, theory of life. That is why I am writing about Jill Bolte Taylor, who is on a deeper, and more significant, realization.
JBT is long past having an instant realization that she could die, which if you think about it, is something that anyone could realize, at any time, with any level of circumstance. Ric realized it when his plane seemed destined to crash, but it doesn't take something so foreboding is that. You can have this realization in picking up a piece of meat that looks like your mother. That's why it's instantaneous, anything can trigger it. But JBT had a more radical breakdown, though the signs of it were there in her life. She grew up studying the brain because of her brother's brain, and though she doesn't talk about in this terms, it could be her, rather than her brother, which triggered an insight.
And what was that insight? It started as out as answering the question what is it that distinguishes “normal people” - because there really isn't normal people - from diagnosed schizophrenic individuals? And the road they used was studying the microcircuitry of the brain, and the connections in the brain that are different from other brian, which could be characterized as different in the rather rough way that understand schizophrenic, or bipolar disabled.
Then she had one of her own, and looked from “normal” to something else and back again. As she said in her title, she could not walk talk read write or call any of her life, and became a child in an adult human body. It would take her years to come back. As opposed to the instant that I talked about before. This then, was a deeper transition, and therefore it had deeper effects. She had to start from the bottom, and realize there were things that she needed to know about herself, especially about all of the components that make up “self”.
She explains that the brain is in two cerebral cortex is that our completely, and I will say “almost”, because she and I both understand that the corpus collosum play the role of communicating between the two halves, and they are different with different people. In general, women have a great deal more communication then men do, but it is not entirely reliable. She explains that t”he right hemisphere functions like a parallel processor”, while the left is a great deal more “serial”. That is the right can generally think about more than one thing, while the left can consume only one thing before going off and dealing with the next thing.
This is, of course, a recital to what happened to her. She explains how the left and the right think differently. One drinking about the past, and one oriented to feature. And critically only one part, of the left part, says one thing crucially important. “I am me”, where as the right brain doesn't really care. That difference means we can be conscious, but not aware of this fact. Think about the time that you were doing things, but have no recollection of this, even in the present.
She then describes that the brain didn't know that it was going to have a stroke, it just happened and left clues behind for the brain to discover on its own. And then signs were “peculiar” enough so that that was noticed by her conscious mind. She noticed that her perceptions were deliberate and not fluid, she noticed that they were hard, but she thought that it was in the range of normal, and she just had to tell herself to grip harder, and relax more. We, the audience understand that she was having a stroke already, but was not giving herself time to recognize it, she was doing things and the signs of the stroke were too much to recognize.
And then she lost her balance, and she could no longer define the boundaries are of her body. But she still didn't know that she was having a stroke. Remember this is someone who defines stroke as they are life existence, so for the rest of us if you think your having a stroke, chances are you have been having one for a very long time, and have just noticed it now. Then something important happened, her left brain chatter went totally silent, though she heard something magnificent about this that captivated her attention.
At first when her left brain started out, the first thing it did was to say she had a problem. But in the second place she found it exhilarating, and she then new that she had had a stroke. This was a long time since Ric had made his inference, because he was totally in his right mind. Whereas Jill was not. She was experiencing a stroke from the inside, and things were different, because she was still experiencing thought not feeling the same boundaries.
Then she tried to call the office, and then she immediately realized that all of the patterns were no longer in her mind, and she had to sort through them painfully, and deduced when she had made progress on dialing the number, her number and not someone else's. And then she finds out that noise has replace speech, in her mind. And their were different questions to spit at. She thought that this could be it, but wasn't sure it was. It took her 45 minutes to do this, something that normally wouldn't take a few minutes, most of them waiting for sounds and giving appropriate responses.
Then the realization hit: she had found someplace which she called Nirvana, and it was beautiful. It changed her life in 1000 ways that she can not even begin to describe. The rest of her talk is about how dexterity and two cognitive minds have the power to be one with the world.
That is what she wanted to explain, we are not one, but one of many deciding. Who we should be at a given time, talking, or listening, or anything else.